My grownup Christmas list

I know people make bucket lists, but that seems kind of morbid to me.  I'm going to call this my "Grownup Christmas List."  Since I've been connecting the dots in my own life, I've got a list of wishes for myself for the upcoming year.  I'm sure it seems selfish, but I've spent so much time taking care of others that I need to put myself first for a change.  (And even writing that is hard.)

I want to be happy.  Crazy thought that at 40+, I'm trying to figure out what truly makes me happy.  In the past year, I've realized what I really don't like and things that make me very unhappy.  That's as good a starting point as any, I guess.

I want to love and be loved

I want passion

I need creativity

I want to travel

I want to have a passport and good reasons to use it

I want to feel better, mentally and physically -- I'm tired of feeling sick and tired

I want to have the strength to continue to say no to things and people who aren't good for me

I want to use the talents and the brain that the Good Lord gave me, with the skills and creativity I have to do more and be more, personally and professionally

I want to find people who appreciate me for who I am and what I am capable of doing

I need to keep building my personal and professional confidence
I want to continue finding my voice so that I can speak up for myself and others, especially when others aren't being heard or can't speak up themselves.

I want to remember to be grateful for the many good things in my life

And finally, I want to try to be the person my best friends have always thought I was.  They seem to think I have a lot to offer if I'd only realize it.  

Life lessons after 40

I saw this recently and it really resonated with me:

Start over, my darling..
Be brave enough to find the life you want and courageous enough to chase it.  Then start over and love yourself the way you were always meant to.
Madalyn Beck

I originally started this blog to help others, to help them connect dots to resources and ideas they might not see elsewhere.  The last couple of months of this year have been challenging and even though I've had lots of ideas pinging around in my head, I wasn't sure anyone would be interested in my ramblings.  You hear about people who "hit rock bottom" and then made changes.  I think I hit bottom and dragged along on it for a while, but hopefully, things are starting to change.

I don't know if I'd call it a midlife crisis, but I sure do seem to have been on the receiving end of a lot of life lessons lately.  I've added a label for "life lessons after 40" since it seems that I'm connecting dots in my own life lately. 

To be making big life changes after 40 is nerve-wracking, but I'm hoping I can do it.